


See the Light

by xavierching



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hong Kong AU, M/M, Markbum, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 03:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12203367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xavierching/pseuds/xavierching
Summary: Jaebum sighed, ‘I met a boy at the first tram journey. He was on the tram from the opposite lane. He is so beautiful. He has a unique aura, luring me, attracting my gaze. And I just surrender myself to his beauty and let the sight of him engulf me. His aura gets me intrigued, captivated, then obsessed. And going on those late night tram journeys becomes the only way I can ease my desperation. The only way I can get closer to him.'‘That sounds like a romantic remix of The Man of the Crowd and Walter Benjamin,’ Jinyoung remarked, fully aware that Jaebum was a fan of neither.





	See the Light

The darkest hour was the finest hour. Im Jaebum shut his eyes to relish in the cool breeze of late autumn.

Hong Kong, the Pearl of the Orient.

When Jaebum’s father asked if he would follow him and move to Hong Kong, Jaebum agreed without hesitation. Perhaps it was because Wong Kar-wai and Fruit Chan and Johnnie To were from Hong Kong. And he just wanted to spend time at the University and Chunking Mansion and Hennessey Road. Jaebum neglected the fact that his English was average and he knew only how to say hi in Cantonese.

Certainly, Jaebum enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the city. He loved to observe passengers on the MTR. And listen to nannies and domestic helpers chattering in wet markets. And smell the aroma of egg tarts and milk tea.

But right now, Jaebum indulged in the calmness of the slumbering city. Standing at the tram station, Jaebum waited for the arrival of the tram.

It was the darkest hour, also the quietest.

The ‘ding ding’ sound of the tram interrupted Jaebum’s trance. He boarded the tram through the turnstile. He climbed up the stairs and sat at the window. 

The tram moved steadily on Des Voeux Road West. Although Jaebum commuted on that road frequently, the closed shops and deserted pedestrian walks and empty traffic looked uncanny. The sight greatly intrigued the Cultural Studies student.

He took out his camera, ready to take pictures for his ‘City as a Text’ project. Although he loved the city at night, he was reluctant to disclose his intimate interaction with the town. He felt somewhat possessive of the city he captured.

He snapped a picture of the waters. Glimpses of lights on the bridge wavered on the camera lens. The tram stopped at a traffic light and Jaebum turned the camera to his right. The closed stores lit by street lamps looked eerie. And he zoomed into a faulty neon light shop sign to further defamiliarise the object. As the tram proceeded to a more lived-in part of the district, he captured the dimly lit back alley and recorded the noir of the otherwise bright and vibrant town.

When the tram stopped at a less interesting part of the district, a tram approached from the opposite direction. Both trams stooped outside Western Market. Jaebum thought the halt unexpected as it seemed unlikely that someone would board at that station. The student flicked through the photo gallery offhandedly.

Im Jaebum did not expect to see something like that when he raised his head.

An otherworldly beauty in trance.

The brown-haired boy sat at the window. His ivory skin posed a stark contrast to his hair. His jawline cast a faint shadow on his slender neck. His glistening lips were subtly pink. His shimmery orbs fixed at a point far away on the road. The boy was immersed in thought, as though he was in a faraway land.

Im Jaebum could not remove his gaze from the beautiful boy. Questions and thoughts raced in the student’s head. 

What was he thinking about? Was he recalling moments with his lover? Was he thinking about his crush? Was he missing his family? Was he contemplating how to get over his ex? Or was he dazed by vodka he just drank in Lan Kwai Fong?

The sudden movement of the tram startled Jaebum.

The beautiful boy slowly slipped away from his sight. Belated realisation hit the Cultural Studies student. He should have taken a photo of this ethereal figure, but the tram already departed.

Jaebum had never felt remorseful for missing a photo. His shoulders slumped in demoralisation and he almost dropped his camera. Jaebum lost the urge to continue taking pictures. He spent the remaining journey reminiscing the enthralling moment of encounter. He wanted to commit every single detail to his memory – the boy’s distant gaze, his fair skin, his beautiful neck – everything. He feared that he might forget.

Perhaps photography was not that different from memory. Both could be ephemeral.

‘Jinyoung-ah, I bought you breakfast from Sun Chiu Kee,’ Jaebum patted on his roommate’s shoulder, ‘the milk tea may turn cold.’  
Jinyoung grunted in response, ‘it’s seven in the morning, hyung. And today is Sunday.’  
‘Are you not eating then?’ Jaebum snapped.  
‘You can have it. You haven’t eaten anyway,’ Jinyoung turned his back against Jaebum.

The older rolled his eyes in annoyance. He honestly had no appetite. He changed into pyjamas and plopped into his bed. His body went haywire due to exhaustion. But his mind refused to stop operating.

The image of the captivating boy recurred in his head. After tossing and turning for a while, Jaebum resorted to listening to music. It always worked when he had insomnia. 

But not this time.

Jaebum wondered what his voice would sound like. Would he speak softly? Would he be a tenor? How about his laughter? What would he be doing now? Would he be having breakfast?

Jaebum groaned in exasperation. That had to stop. He grabbed Jinyoung’s Selected Works of Edgar Allan Poe and started reading. He knew from experience that he would doze off soon…

‘Good afternoon hyung,’ Jinyoung greeted pleasantly without tearing his eyes from the book.  
‘I’ll brush my teeth and let’s grab some lunch in Causeway Bay,’ Jaebum rubbed his eyes groggily.  
‘How was your tram journey?’ the literature student asked, ‘did you enjoy being a flaneur at night?’  
Jaebum did not know how to reply. His thoughts wandered back to the otherworldly beauty and the missed photo.  
‘I take that as a no?’  
‘It’s alright. Just that – never mind,’ Jaebum fetched his towel and walked to the bathroom, completely oblivious of Jinyoung’s raised eyebrow.

At night, Jaebum got ready for his tram journey again. He had spaced out thoroughly after seeing the fascinating boy last night. He needed more photos to choose from for his project.

The tram slowly moved from Whitty Street, thru Des Voeux Road West, towards Sheung Wan. Jaebum could not help but hope that he might miraculously meet the boy again. He knew perfectly well that the possibility was next to zero. Who would regularly board a tram at such an ungodly hour? For two consecutive nights even. Jaebum reprimanded himself for even hoping. 

Jaebum’s heart leapt when the trams stopped at Western Market again. His grip on the camera tightened subconsciously. His eyes searched for the presence of the person occupying his thoughts.

He was there. 

The boy was deep in thought again. He leaned on his palm on the window pane. His hands looked elegant. His fingers were long and slender. A silver bracelet decorated his wrist.

Jaebum did not hesitate to snap a photo of the boy’s profile. He made it just in time before the tram moved again.

‘Hyung, how’s your project going?’ Jinyoung asked whilst devouring the roast pork spaghetti Jaebum took away for him.  
‘It’s alright I guess,’ Jaebum shrugged without looking at Jinyonug.  
‘Do you have to go again tonight? You look exhausted,’ the younger stopped eating and looked at Jaebum worriedly.  
‘I’m fine,’ Jaebum ran his hand through his hair, ‘I have to go again.’

Jaebum knew he was pushing his luck. But luck was on his side.

The boy’s gaze fixed at the ceiling of the tram. Since his face did not face outward, Jaebum found it slightly difficult to observe properly.

His orbs seemed particularly glistening that night. And there was redness around his eyes. Jaebum finally had some insight to this boy. He looked sorrowful and fragile.

Jaebum took a picture of his vulnerability. And another when a tear slid down his cheek.

The student felt guilty for taking photos of this boy. He felt as though he had violated him. He pried into a moment he was not supposed to witness, not to say capture. 

However, Jaebum was, to his utmost surprise, not deterred. He kept coming back and took more photos of the mysterious beauty. In Jaebum’s photo gallery, there were over a dozen of the boy’s photos. Every time the student scrolled on his camera, he felt ashamed of himself. His fascination of this boy corrupted his ethic. He felt – no – acted like a voyeuristic stalker. Although Jaebum would chastise himself for such degeneration, he simply could not stop.

Jinyoung could tell that something was bugging Jaebum. Since Jaebum went out like at five in the morning and returned at seven, Jinyoung was often up when the older was sleeping. Jaebum tossed and turned a lot more than usual. His dark circles looked ridiculous.

Jinyoung caught him staring at the camera many times. It was unlike Jaebum not to transfer the pictures to the computer. He never gazed at the photos for such a long time either. Jaebum also spaced out a lot recently. He would stare at the wall in the dorm. 

What compelled Jinyoung to have a talk with Jaebum was his abnormal reaction, no, lack of reaction last night. They had been out for dinner with Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom. Jinyoung had told the maknaes about the problematic state of their hyung. The youngest decided to gauge Jaebum’s level of abnormality. To Jinyonug’s utmost horror, Jaebum did not react at all when Yugyeom called him ‘Im Jaebum.’

‘Please tell me what’s wrong hyung,’ Jinyoung stared at his best friend intently.  
Jaebum actually did not want to talk about it with Jinyoung. That guy was too persistent and perceptive for his own good. Plus, Jaebum probably would be a victim of Jinyoung’s sassiness, so he replied, ‘nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired.’  
The literature student raised his eyebrow, infuriated by Jaebum’s offhanded dismissal, ‘I’m not asking you whether something’s wrong. I ask you to tell me what’s wrong, Im Jaebum.’

Jaebum tentatively met Jinyoung’s eyes. He must admit that he was cracking under the younger’s penetrative gaze. Park Jinyoung was formidable in fury. And Jaebum, though reluctant to talk about it, actually needed an outlet for his emotional turmoil.

Jaebum sighed, ‘I think I’m obsessed with someone,’ averting his gaze from Jinyoung.  
The younger softened a bit at Jaebum’s confession. He waited for the older to organise his thoughts. Talking about feelings had never been Jaebum’s strong suit. He showed those through pictures and videos. 

‘I met a boy at the first tram journey. He was on the tram from the opposite lane. He is so beautiful. He has a unique aura, luring me, attracting my gaze. And I just surrender myself to his beauty and let the sight of him engulf me.

‘I feel reverent when I see him. Even though he looks so close on my camera lens, so close that I can see his eyelashes, I feel so far away from him. Especially his eyes. He always appears as though he’s in a distant land. No matter how hard I try to get closer, the distance remains.

‘His aura gets me intrigued, captivated, then obsessed. And going on those late night tram journeys becomes the only way I can ease my desperation. The only way I can get closer to him.

‘I want to learn everything about him. So I observe and scrutinise him. I try to piece clues together to have a better picture of him. But it’s a swirl. The more I observe, the more mysteries I unravel. Eventually I am doomed. All because of his otherworldly beauty and aura.’

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum’s distressed expression with great intrigue. The sensible, logical and self-disciplined Im Jaebum. Lost his composure because of a fated encounter with a stunning stranger on the tram. Who would have guessed? Jinyoung decided to sass him a bit for retaliation. He had been so worried the past few days.

‘That sounds like a romantic remix of The Man of the Crowd and Walter Benjamin,’ Jinyoung remarked, fully aware that Jaebum was a fan of neither, ‘luckily the object of investigation is not a hideous old man, Mr Flaneur.’

Jaebum glared at Jinyoung feebly. He felt rather exposed after baring his heart. Although Jinyoung loved verbal jabs, he would not actually hurt his precious hyung.

‘Anyway, hyung, it’s not like you to pine,’ Jinyonug prompted, ‘have you thought about talking to him?’  
Jaebum looked at Jinyoung incredulously, ‘of course not! I’d have to tell him I’ve been taking pictures of him like a creepy stalker then!’  
‘If you come clean and ask for forgiveness, perhaps he won’t mind,’ Jinyoung reasoned, ‘besides, you can always say it’s for your project.’  
Jaebum’s jaw jutted as he contemplated.  
‘Love is ephemeral, hyung,’ the younger reminded, ‘you don’t want to miss an opportunity now, do you?’

Jaebum had rehearsed the scenario countless times that day. He was nerve-racked to talk to the mysterious beauty. And even more so to tell him he had been taking pictures without his permission. He could merely pray that things would somehow work out.

The student departed much earlier than usual since had to walk all the way to catch the tram at Western Market. 

The long anticipated tram finally approached the station. Jaebum eagerly went through the turnstile and swiftly climbed to the upper deck.

The familiar silhouette which had occupied Jaebum’s heart. 

Jaebum tried to swallow his nerves. With each step towards the beautiful boy, the student felt adrenaline rushing through his veins. All the pent up obsession, curiosity, anticipation, desperation. Urging him to move closer, and closer, to the source of these energies.

‘Can I sit here?’

Jaebum’s voice snapped the beautiful boy out of trance. He tilted his head to meet Jaebum’s eye. The student felt his heart lurching. Those expressive eyes. Focusing on him. Teary.

Biting his lips, the boy nodded. Glancing askance, Jaebum could see tears rolling down the boy’s cheek. The boy took a deep breath to steady himself but tears went against his will. Jaebum wanted to reach out and wipe the tears with his thumb. His fragility tugged Jaebum’s heartstring. Everything about that boy made him feel things. All emotions and urges amplified. 

‘Hey, is everything alright?’ his voice sounded much more tender than intended.  
The boy sniffled slightly and shook his head.  
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Jaebum blurted out to his own astonishment. He knew that was out of line.  
The beautiful boy looked at him woefully and asked, ‘would you lend me your shoulder?’

Jaebum edged closer to the boy. He could smell his scent. Fresh. Like cedar and apple. The boy rested his head on Jaebum. Everything felt so natural. Like it was meant to be.

‘That’s very kind of you, erm –’  
His voice was lower than Jaebum had expected, but more sonorous and expressive. It was soft, but not without core, ‘Jaebum. And you?’  
‘Mark. You’re Korean?’  
‘Yeah.’  
Mark chuckled faintly, ‘the person I’m thinking about is Korean too,’ and a tear rolled rapidly down his cheek.

‘I dunno much about him. Just his name and nationality. I’ve never even talked to him. I just observe him from a far. He has a special appeal which imprints him to my memory. His messy black hair. His thick-framed specs. His angular jawline. There’s something poetic about him that draws me to him.

‘It’s not a crush. I don’t feel my heart fluttering or my cheeks burning. It’s nothing exciting or nerve-racking. It feels much blander, yet much more profound. Like the chance encounter between Anna and Hoon in Late Autumn. There’s no lightness from giddiness. But weight from the severity of the encounter.’

Mark hastily wiped the tears with the back of his hand. Jaebum thought his heart would shatter but it lurched instead. Even when he heard Mark’s in love with someone, he still wanted to be there for him. Be the shoulder he leaned on. Be the ear he confessed to. 

‘I told myself not to entertain such naïve thoughts. There’s no love at first sight. No destined encounter. Life doesn’t imitate art. Yet no matter how hard I deny or suppress my feelings, they become so immense that they’re impossible to ignore. They haunt me like how he haunts me. I didn’t expect to see him again and again. Things he did doesn’t help either. At the beginning, I wasn’t sure if he was taking photos of me from the opposite tram. But time and time again, I think he is.’

Jaebum froze. He knew. Mark knew. A wave of panic sept through his veins. Mark pulled away and gazed at him.

‘Tell me if I’m correct,’ Mark said softly.  
Jaebum affirmed tersely, ‘yes.’  
‘Why?’ Mark asked pleadingly, desperation evident in his brown orbs.

Jaebum assertively wiped the lone tear off Mark’s cheek and cupped his face. He felt empowered by Mark’s profound feelings for him. Because Jinyoung was right. Love was ephemeral. And Jaebum would seize the opportunity fate had so generously offered to him. 

‘The person I’m thinking about, I’m not sure about his nationality. I dunno much about him either. Just his name and his profound feelings for me. He has a unique aura which makes me keep coming back. I just have to capture his beauty in my photos. Because he slips away every night.

‘It’s probably an obsession. I told myself not to entertain such naïve thoughts. There’s no love at first sight. But that’s okay. I want to learn everything about him. I want to take him on dates. I want to develop this absurd obsession into love.’

Mark leaned into his touch and his hand enveloped Jaebum’s.

‘Mark, I want to kiss you.’

Jaebum pressed his lips on Mark’s slightly chapped ones with the other’s approval. It was brief but firm, as though both of them needed to confirm that they had indeed grasped the ephemeral love. It was heavy, as though all the devastation, distress and desperation weighted on their lips.

Before Jaebum could pull away to gauge Mark’s reaction, Mark started to kiss him with unexpectedly raw fervour. He nibbled on Jaebum’s lip, prompting for entrance. Jaebum gladly welcomed Mark’s spontaneity. Mark’s tongue caressed Jaebum’s tentatively. Jaebum decided to abandon his inhibitions. His tongue ventured into Mark’s cavity and elicited a surprised squeal from Mark. Jaebum kept advancing until Mark’s back hit the window pane.

‘Ouch,’ Mark yelped.  
‘Shit sorry,’ Jaebum anxiously apologised and caressed Mark’s head, ‘you alright?’  
‘Yeah,’ Mark chuckled with a watery smile.

‘下一站係水街. The next stop is Water Street. 下一站是水街.’

‘How about we talk over milk tea?’ Jaebum suggested with a beam.  
‘Sun Chiu Kee?’  
‘Yeah.’  
‘That’s my favourite Cha Chaan Tang,’ Mark said incredulously.

Jaebum took Mark’s hand and alighted the tram.

**Author's Note:**

> 'See the Light' reminds me of late night tram journeys and my uni life. Since I am a Hongkonger, and I have never written the city into any story, I thought it'd be fun to experiment a bit. I also try to bring up stuff I learnt in uni to create an air of 'dandy-ness' (this is probably not a good word but I don't seem to find any English equivalent for the Cantonese term I have in mind). 
> 
> I struggle quite a bit during the process of writing. Particularly the ending. Sorry for the hasty ending. I have entertained multiple possibilities. May as well write a sad alternative ending. I'm not very happy with this story but I want to move on to a new story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comments are very much appreciated.


End file.
